‘You have a big ugly nose’

It’s now been 2 weeks since leaving the glitz of London, although it feels like a couple of days ago that I was sitting in that God damn awful, non air-conditioned airport in Russia.

I’m now able to use the Shanghai metro alone, with confidence. However, when on the subway it is highly advisable to have tunnel vision. This is because it seems that when children here want to go toilet, the parents will pull down their pants, no matter where they are, and let them spray away. Once particular case of a woman holding a 4-5 year old over a bin letting him piss (powerfully) into a bin, however the Mother, to my delight (and shock) probably didn’t plan for all them coco puffs to come out of his ass and go all over her bag. She deserved it, hell, I needed a piss too, she should have told the kid to suck it and piss when he got home (in Chinese though).

We’ve now moved into the apartment, which is far nicer than the rooms we were placed in before. We have a shower with actual flowing water and no pregnant animals in all corners. Air conditioning in each room, a TV (2 sports programmes, and an English channel), and kitchen facilities (eating out every night can become boring, especially sat next to someone who doesn’t like any spicy food, or fishy food). Having kitchen facilities meant a trip to the supermarket, which proved a difficult task. I’m not sure how it can be classed as normal when you are in the sweet aisle section, and included in this is chicken feet. We ended up buying noodles, rice, dumplings, chicken breast (no bones!!), and sausages. Bit lame really, but my stomach seems more settled nowJ.

Sunday was the first day of taking lessons. I arrived nice and early, too early in fact. I was sat outside the reception doors waiting for them to come in and unlock the doors and turn the lights on. The class was pretty much a success. It was with just 4 kids, who were all pretty well behaved and responded to all the games I had prepared for them. One game they liked the most was the warm up game of musical bums. So going into my next lesson I thought I would also use this game. However, it was a lesson with a bunch of 12-13 year old girls, who were probably too old to play such games. Despite me showing them an example of ‘dancing’ they weren’t really up for it, so I had to change games. The class didn’t go too great, I was told they were doing a different class to what they were, so I was unprepared for how to make the lesson interesting, and teenage girls are shy and don’t want to get involved. As I was leaving I got a phone call asking me to take another class at 4 o’clock. Brilliant. So I went home, ate some noodle, and got on the subway back. In the class was just one person, a little (big) fat girl who couldn’t open her mouth more than a cm. I felt sorry for her, but she did need a slap and be told to get on with it. Oh, and her name was Winnih, it was hard for me not to laugh! Luckily, another boy came in after 20 minutes, the class passed by really quickly, went pretty well.

This morning I had my first regular class for summer camp. I met my class, they were all cute which was good, but then two girls came up to me and told me I have a big ugly nose. Kitty then did say I am ‘beautiful, but my nose is big, and ugly’. Stupid cow, just because my ass opens wider that your eyes do, don’t be a bitch to me. The day was long, the TA told me to just play as many games as possible with them. There was minimal teaching, but the TA said as long as they’re having fun then it doesn’t matter. I’m sure that’s not what the parents pay for, but oh well, it’s not my money. It came to lunch time and I was again insulted by another child. I finished my lunch and she came up to me and said ‘Teacher, that’s why you are so fat, because you eat so much’. I only had a bit of chicken, vegetables, and rice that they ordered for us at reception. Cheeky bitch. I wanted to say to her, ‘aren’t you gutted that its summer holidays, but you are in English school everyday 9-5’. I chose not to, but I’ve stored it in the back of my brain for next time.

I made a bit of a boo boo earlier, I was sat on my bed having a lie down, and I accidentally followed through. Oopsises, straight into the washing machine….

Untill next time, traaaa.