Winnie the fatty.

Iya loves.

So we’ve been here for nearly a month now, but it still can be a bit surreal sometimes being on the subway alone, and being the only western face, and not knowing what anyone else is saying. Most of the time though it’s pretty clear that they are pointing and talking about you, which can be annoying. It’s also annoying the way that everyone is so keen to be the first on the train even if it’s not busy. When I spot this, I broaden my shoulders, tense up, and barge as many people as I can, and be as careless with my big feet as I can. This is satisfying, and I intend to continue doing it until they learn some manners. I would feel bad, but they obviously don’t feel bad for starring and talking about me. As I’m typing now, I’ve just had a couple of girls walk past the apartment, who had to take two steps back to be nosey and have a look inside because they can see a Westerner. I use the word ‘girl’ loosely as they don’t seem to be too bothered about acting feminine when they’re gobbing on the floor next to me.

Anyway, everyday has been spent in work with kids. I’d like to say I feel quite experienced now. It’s such a fun job, and defo something I wanna do when I get back to the UK. Most of the kids are cute (except Winnie, bless her). She’s honestly about 6ft tall, and 11 years old. I done a test with her and another child, and said write 3 words to describe Winnie on the board, and he wrote ‘fat’ on the board. So harsh, but it was the most obvious characteristic. She’s quite clever when she writes, but her mouth is like her eyes, just a little slit on a big face, and it just doesn’t do much. Socialising with the teaching assistants is also fun. They are all so friendly and cute. My favourites are Manny ( yes, Manny, a woman. I’m sure my Dad had a big black friend called Manny who used to come round on Saturday mornings and do some computer stuff), Eva, and Clare. When I first saw Clare, I thought, ‘she reminds me of Eva Longoria, should I tell her…. No, she wouldn’t understand’. But two minutes later she was talking to me about Desperate Housewives and how she loves Gabby (Eva Longoria), so I was like ‘OMG, I was gonna say you remind me of her’. I realise how camp that sounds, but she loved it and thought I was flirting, and said that I’m ‘very nice and handsome’, and we should ‘play out together’ because she loves making new friends! Yay, I’ll let you know how it goes.

On my lunch break on Sunday I went down to KFC. My classes on a Sunday are in an obscure area where there is no other foods which are possible for me to order from. In fact, I’m sure I saw the tattoo that Daniel has on a menu. Anyway, the Chinese go a bit crazy for KFC because it was so busy and nowhere to sit. So I stood around waiting, and span round only to drop my chips on the floor. Everyone turned around to see what the Westerner was doing. So I put the rest of my food on a Chinese families table, and they all get nervous and worried I’m gonna sit next to them. (They literally breathed a sigh of relief when I took it back (the relief breath stunk, but smelly breath is quite common here)). I then had to bend down and pick up the chips, revealing a hairy crack to all present. I quickly made my way out and ate the food on the way back to work.

Tonight is ‘Chinese Valentines day’…. What am I doing, I hear you ask? Well, going for dinner somewhere with Daniel. =[ Lucky, fricking me! It’s made me wonder if I was Hitler in a previous life, and I’m being punished. However, we do have Dexter to look forward to watch when we get back. We’ve been watching an episode every night, it’s so amazing, and is slowly closing in on Desperate Housewives and Lost as one of my favourite TV series ever. Series 2 was just £6 in the shops. (Could I make a small request to anyone planning to come and visit to not bring a full suitcase and allow some space for me to put some DVD’s in)… This isn’t interesting, let me move on.

So, despite what Daniel may paint out what happened this week as being something major, we had a small accident. I was driving along, and there was an unexpected ditch, and then a sudden hill so we lost balance and fell over. Luckily, we only had a couple of scratches. Unluckily, I’ve had a whinging flat mate for a week from it. When we got up from the floor, there was some prick of a man standing, pointing to the divot in the road. Yes, that’s pretty clear now. Now please move on and mind your own business before I run you over. I’ve seemed to of developed quite an aggressive streak the last few weeks, but I’m a bit cautious about what I say who to as I’m worried they might do a few somersaults over to me, and perform some kung-fu on me. They all seem too weedy to cause any damage to me though. (famous last words)

Sunday night was probably my low point so far of being here. As it’s been a week since the mudslides in China, it was a day of mourning. This meant that there is no entertainment anywhere in the country, including TV channels, so every channel on TV was the same news, in Chinese. I say put Friends on every TV channel and cheer everyone up. (at the risk of being a bit disrespectful) The internet was too slow to use, and we’re restricted to 150 hours a month, I have no books left to read, and we can’t watch too many Dexter’s at once or else we’ll run out. The mudslides do seem pretty horrific though. There were also other mudslides about 10 days ago in China. In Shanghai in fact, exiting from me, in the bathroom. Watching the news it seems there is natural disasters going on everywhere, is the world coming to end? I hope not, because what a waste of time the past 3 years were with all that coursework and exam stress.  (may i interrupt again to say that a young girl has just walked past the apartment with her grandad, who has made her open her legs, and piss all over the street, vile)

I’ve been having some strange dreams this week. I had a massive argument with my Dad, and then Athos (brother) got involved, but he appeared in the form of a butterfly. But not a normal butterfly, he was a butterfly that looked like a piece of chopped up chilli! Anyway, I got the hose (?!), and chased after him to drown him and kill him. I also dreamt that the family came and visited, but then we were in Australia, and doing some sporting events like Gladiators, but outside. For some strange (disturbing) reason, my Mum and Dad were both naked in this event. My mum won though, and I came a close second. A final dream was that I was with Daniel being hung from a rope, going down Streatham high road,  which had a big market on, but loads of the stalls were of my Mum’s Greek cooking?! There was also a huge stall which was selling Macclesfield football club items, because they were playing at Wembley that day. Why the hell would I dream about such things?!

I hope everyone who is reading will be pleased to know that the runny bummy has stopped, but it did come at a cost of couple of pairs of boxers though.

Untill next time, Traaaa.

(Oh, and thank God for N-Dubz. The amount they’ve been played on the ipod is stupid, but I’m still in love. The kids even know how to say ‘Don’t get nine’. Im planning on teaching them ‘Na na, naai’ next)

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